this beer tastes like vomit already
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
