I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
