I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
you win again, gameday.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
