He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I think my moral compass just broke
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