this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
