I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
