I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
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