Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
