My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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