he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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