Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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