im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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