I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
