You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
