You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
either way he was missing a nipple.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Randomize
