Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
It's blow job season.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Randomize
