then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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