Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
