when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
