Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
