just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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