My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
This is classic penis vs brain.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Randomize
