The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
