and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
