it's too hot outside to masturbate.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
