Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
