wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
