I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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