Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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