Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
