we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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