sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
