We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
