Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Someone stole a lamp last night.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
