Cold hands, warm shart.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
