I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
