Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
