The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
