So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
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