This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
