drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
