Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Randomize
