shes about as inviting as chlamydia
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
