don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
