I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
