we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
