I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
