Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
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