yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
