Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
