The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
