Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I am spending my child support on dildos
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
