if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
